Wednesday, October 24, 2012

UNCROSSED LEGS AND DOUBLECROSSED NEWS




October 24 2012

Yeah you’re an old fella. Old and white and proud. Proud of your country and what it’s done for you and what you’ve done for it. You worked hard all your life, raised a family, paid your taxes. You didn’t get to go to college but you were in the service maybe, and you didn’t make that sacrifice in order to see this once-great nation rot away.
So now you’re drawing government benefits, but you earned them, buddy. You had to dip into your $30,000 nest egg to ante up the deposit to lease your new car. You just paid off the mortgage on your 2,400 sq ft house, only to see its $150,000 value plummet once again.  
You hate the unemployed who’re ruining the country, and you just know they’re all too lazy to put down that crack pipe and find a job. Nobody cares about anything anymore. You do because you’re part of what made America great but now the moochers and the barnacles have taken over and the liberals let them. Doesn’t anyone share your rage?
Yes. The Anger Channel. Fox News.
Right on! Those guys know the score. They remember America before the hippies and all the other wimpy goodfornothings drove the country down. You’re fed up with all this bad, isn’t there any good news out there?
There is, but you won’t hear it from Fox. Not while President Obama’s in office. 
The August/September reports from all sectors, economy, jobs, housing, even Wall Street, have just been published. Home construction up 15%, permits up 12% and house values nationally up 11.3%. At 15 million, auto sales have hit a 30-year high with a quarter million jobs added. The unemployment rate, the lowest since 2008, is below 8% - way better than Europe’s roughly 11%. Home Depot here in Walton County is hanging out signs wanting staff...
This is an all-round improvement. But viewers get the usual dance around the facts - a Foxtrot. Blowhard ultra-capitalist Jack Welch claims “these Chicago guys” cooked the books because “they don’t smell right”. Well, not through his snotty Pinocchio nose. A week later, Welch furtively admits his bloviating was the stuff that cattle leave behind - it was all “just a hunch”.
But for Fox viewers the original moo-doo is good enough. The guy made it up – so what! He’s gotta be basically correct. And anyway, you’re retired and you’re tired. Your head’s already too full. The headline’s all you need.
Even if it isn’t true?
Any broadcaster that fails to meet Canada’s basic law prohibiting “false or misleading news” will not be licensed. Cable subscribers can get American Fox, but a 2003 bid by Canadian Cable Telecommunications to usher in a Fox channel carrying Canadian news was denied.
Well, who cares about those Canuks, eh? This is America!
Uh-huh, and in America Fox won a court battle for the right to broadcast lies. Before the Florida Court Of Appeals in February 2003 they argued they could not legally be stopped from peddling news that was distorted or falsified, even quasi admitting they were doing exactly that. If you’re telling it straight why would you want to fight for fakery?
Pushing out corporate propaganda, Fox likes to make Mr Everyman think he’s a political expert. It’s pseudo-politics for the uninformed the way financial outfits like Ameritrade and Charles Schwab (whom my naïve Foxwatching neighbor calls “a German bank”) make the nickel-and-dime investor feel he’s Wall Street big time. But when people know your news is skewed how do you reach the angry retiree? With jiggly queens of course.
He’s titillated by the heaving bosoms, the big hair, bleached blonde in most cases, the faces interred under inches of makeup – rouged cheeks, red lips, blue eyeshadow. Fox’s foxy floozies flutter their plastic eyelashes. The low-cut tops and short skirts are part of what they themselves call “the uniform”. They cross and uncross their legs with entertaining regularity... 
For the men of 70 who feel their virility ebbing away, the tight-fitting, cleavage-revealing outfits are a treat, and also the news has legs: might-could be the chance of a Sharon Stone Moment. Fox owner Rupert Murdoch and cohort Roger Ailes know all about an old man’s basic instinct.
Here’s the wife. She’s quacking about meeting Gran’ma Bloggins at the supermarket and you’ll never guess what she told me her neighbor said about that new couple down the street and...
Yeah yeah, later, Honey. I already had to tune you out during the ballgame. Put the remote down. That Fox cutie is saying something important.
So what intellect escapes those pouty, lip-glossed mouths?
Ann Coulter: “Our blacks are better than their blacks.”
Megyn Kelly condoning pepper spray: “It’s a food product.”
Gretchen Carlson (from under her peroxide hair-helmet): “Have you ever felt that way that you just want to deck somebody.” Meaning Joe Biden.
Michelle Malkin: “Vote with your lady smarts, not your lady parts.”
Coulter the homophobe again: “All pretty girls are right wingers” and “Obama’s base is stupid single women.” You mean like Ann Coulter herself? She’s never been married. Could she be a ... you know.
Scant intelligence from the babbling bimbos and doctored news from the station itself. What we should, of course, demand, is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
But then that’s not in a Fox’s nature.

ENDIT

© Fred Wehner is a journalist formerly with the Daily Mail in London, who then founded and ran the New York News Agency before settling in Monroe 22 years ago. Previous articles can be found on fredwehner.com

Note: The Walton Tribune ran this article October 24, 2011.
Among the paragraphs that the newspaper omitted were those referencing Fox's jiggly queens with the gaudy makeup crossing and uncrossing their legs.
Without which, of course, the headline made no sense at all.